Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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