today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize