It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize