I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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