Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
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how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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