Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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