All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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