Sorry, I don't speak sober.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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