can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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