last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize