Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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