I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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