Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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