i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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