It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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