so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize