we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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