I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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