theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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