i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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