He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
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You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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