I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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