Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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