I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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