You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize