In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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