$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
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Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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