I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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