i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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