am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize