a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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