Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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