her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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