don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im part way to drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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