I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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