I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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