in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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