walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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