help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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