I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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