I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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