The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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