shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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