Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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