Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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