margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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