Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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