She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize