Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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