peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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